


reminiscing at a graveyard

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: (they/them for loki), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki (Marvel)-centric, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26437942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: rem·i·nisce/ˌreməˈnis/verbindulge in enjoyable recollection of past events.---------------------------------------------------He stepped out. The faint memories of running through the halls hit him like a rush of cold air. Looking back on it, Loki wondered what exactly happened for this miraculous palace of gold to turn into a corrupt palace filled to the brim with lies (they knew exactly what happened).
Relationships: (all mentioned) - Relationship, Frigga | Freyja & Loki & Odin & Thor (Marvel), Frigga | Freyja & Loki (Marvel), Loki & Odin (Marvel), Loki & Thanos (Marvel), Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	reminiscing at a graveyard

**Author's Note:**

> suggestions/criticism are appreciated and welcome. please do tell me if i need to change something within the tags. hope you enjoy!

Loki paced left and right. Frantically looking throughout their array of journals. They knew they had written it down. But where?  
As Loki skimmed through a journal acquired a century ago, he found it.

They shuddered thinking about what would’ve happened if _he_ had found it first.

Quickly discarding that thought, Loki stepped out of the room. A room in which they grew up in. A room in which they slept. A room in which he first plotted to let the Frost Giants in.

They stepped out. The faint memories of running through the halls hit him like a rush of cold air. Looking back on it, Loki wondered what exactly happened for this miraculous palace of gold to turn into a corrupt palace filled to the brim with lies (they knew exactly what happened). Well, no time to dwell on that. Loki had to get moving.

Loki was always on the move, weren’t they? After all, this was just the nature of the infamous God of mischief correct? Self-proclaimed burdened with glorious purpose. Nothing but a Jotun runt, damned for the rest of eternity.

As Loki sped down the halls of their childhood home they stopped momentarily to reminisce, knowing full damn well this was a risky move considering he was almost caught up to Loki. But even if it meant immediate death, Loki still would’ve stopped for this. Oh. They had forgotten about this. Down the hall laid a painting. A painting of the Asgardian royal family. Back when they were happy. Back when Loki wasn’t utterly alone.

Loki first took notice of their mother, Allmother Frigga. Frigga regally stood next to Odin, just like how Loki remembered her. The sheer image of her put Loki into a stop. She always knew how to calm Loki. They missed her. Missed her spells and stories. Did Loki let her down? After all, everything Frigga did was to protect. What would she think if she saw Loki now? Loki couldn’t dwell on that. Couldn’t dwell on the thought of disappointing her. Loki wondered if they closed their eyes would they be back to when it was just mother and child, listening to the wind together?

Loki closed their eyes.

They opened their eyes.

Loki is always on move.

Reminiscing of a long lost mother.

Loki glanced at Odin. A man they once loved. A man they once called “father”. (maybe Loki still calls him that). A man who locked his daughter just for being the carefully crafted product of her father. A man who kept his pride even in near-death. Loki couldn’t bear to look at the man who had lied to Loki anymore. Loki hated Odin. Hated the way Odin pretended everything was perfect. In their little palace of gold. Loki wanted to feel ignorant again. Back when he didn’t have this gaping black hole in their chest. To the time where they didn’t know that the palace of gold was corrupted by lies. After all, ignorance is bliss, correct?

Loki closed their eyes.

They opened their eyes.

Loki is a lie.

Reminiscing of a long lost father.

Directly below the two rulers were the royal children. Both smiling brightly, happy for the future, unaware of what the Norns destined for them.

Loki smiled sorrowfully for their brother. It took them a while, but at the end of the day, Loki loved Thor. And eventually, Loki made peace with his brother. For none of them knew what Asgard was. Thor was smiling, like always, a hand around Loki and his other hand holding Mjolnir by his side. Glorious as ever. Naive as ever. Loki missed those days. Where they would wake up thinking what adventures they would go through with Thor. Missed those days where they would steal delicacies from the royal kitchens. Loki could almost smell the once lively palace.

Loki closed their eyes.

They opened their eyes.

Loki is alone.

Reminiscing of a long lost brother.

Loki looked in regret at the figure presiding next to Thor. An unimportant pale child with raven hair and bright emerald eyes. A Jotun runt who was left to die as a baby. An ignorant child who didn’t even know the truth behind their heritage. Loki recognized that this was when they first started noticing the world as it is. How not all men are created equal. Loki remembered those days vividly. A time where Loki had a purpose. A time where Loki had a future. Suddenly, Loki wanted to drop down to the floor. They wanted to cry. They wanted to mourn the death of that young child. Still hopeful and ambitious for the future. Loki would always mourn those days. They wanted to cry out for everyone to hear. They wanted everyone to hear how they had been wronged. Lied to. Cheated out of. Manipulated and used. Loki mourned the death of their youth. Now, look at them. Alone. Sad. Replaceable.

Loki closed their eyes.

They opened their eyes.

Loki is damned.

Reminiscing of a long lost self.

A booming noise erupted. Loki turned his head. Someone had snuck in. Somebody is here. _He_ is here. _He_ finally caught up to Loki, bringing _his_ children with _him_. Loki set an invisibility spell onto themself and ran. Ran and ran away to the only safe place they knew.

The garden. More specifically, the Allmother’s garden. Loki couldn’t count the number of times he had run here as a child, looking for a place to hide. Now all the crooks and crannies throughout the palace paid off. He arrived in the garden. The flowers, wilted. All of the statues that were once polished were now crumbling on the floor. Loki hurriedly arranged a pit fire. All that was left to do, was to get rid of it. The very thing that determined his fate.

Loki took out a journal. The very last one they had written in.

A journal filled with information that would get him slaughtered. Information beings have slaved over to discover for millennials. Information only Loki discovered.

Information about the infamous infinity stones. Stones that could alter reality and drive a man to madness.

Loki had always been an inquisitive one. Always one to go explore the unknown.

Before… everything. Loki had been skeptical of Odin. Skeptical of the true nature of Asgard. The first step of uncovering corruption. After all, Loki is the God of Lies.

Time went one as Loki pried more and more of Asgard. Of Odin. And eventually, the infinity stones.

No one noticed when they left. Disheartening but an advantage for complete solitude to complete their research. Complete solitude to reach the height of themself.

They had always been powerful. Power leads to greatness. Loki pried. Loki learned. The creation of the stones. How to use these stones. Everything that Odin knew about the stones, Loki now knew. Even so, some things aren’t known to even the greatest of beings.

Loki knew keeping a record of what they knew was risky. They couldn’t help it.

But of course, all good things must come to an end. Loki went back. Loki went into _his_ control. Loki left _his_ control. Loki was imprisoned. Loki is alone. They tried to tell Odin of the dangers of _him_. No one listened. Loki was still imprisoned.

Now the battle is over, Asgard has fallen. Loki, a trickster capable of seeping into cracks, survived the slaughter. But at what cost? The lives of many they knew were gone. Loki’s family was slaughtered. The seemingly indestructible Thor was gone. Loki is alone. And Loki grieved. Of course, they did. Yet, Loki is always on move. They take the Tesseract. Its power is intoxicating. Unpredictable. Suffocating. Addicting.

Loki prays that wherever the other stones are, _he **never**_ finds them.

Loki doesn’t know that at this point, _he_ has already acquired most of the stones.

Loki manifests fire into the fire pit. They throw the journal into the fire. The fire blazes strong. Good riddance. Loki quickly transports the tesseract to Midgard. Maybe those Midgardians would come to use again.

This was it. _He_ was near. Loki couldn’t run anymore. Loki shut their eyes. They listened to the heavy footsteps grow louder by the second. Loki’s mind wandered, like always. Once _he_ killed Loki, would Loki go to Valhalla? Loki felt that that was the least they deserved. And finally. _Finally_.

Loki wasn’t alone anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed, cool! if not, oh well! suggestions/criticism are appreciated and welcome.  
> 


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